Monday, May 14, 2012

{ 8 Months.......}

     I can remember the day perfectly, the EMOTIONS and FEELINGS....I can see the room with perfect clarity, smell the familiar smells and hear the people around me busily attending to their duties.....The day was September 1, 2011. Although not that long ago, it now seems like it's been forever and that the changes brought upon us are just part of what life for our family is really like. That is the day that CANCER came home.  I had great intentions to keep this blog up as a journal for our family to remember this time, to learn from it and to record for our posterity....Obviously,  you can see that I failed miserably at that. I guess I figured that there were things I didn't want others to know or that I didn't want to face and seeing them actually posted or written somewhere would make this whole experience real........because for awhile it seemed like it was just a bad dream.  That one day I would wake up and our lives would be normal again.... or at least I hoped it would.  But now I am ready. I am ready to face this, because it is what it is and I can't change it, nor would I if I could.
     Not too long ago, Kyler and I were watching a movie near bedtime.  He chose UP. 

I don't care too much for that movie, I thought at the time that it was rather boring...... but, as I watched this time I gathered new perspective on the movie...I'm sure most of you have seen it, but here's a brief rundown.  Boy meets girl and falls in love, they get married and have a plan and dreams for their life together, they plan to travel the world and have a life full of adventure.  However, life happens and the plan changes to meet everyday life and the needs that they now have.  In the end his sweetheart, Elle, dies never fulfilling their dream to visit Paradise Falls, and adventure of a lifetime. Carl tries from that day on to find a way to take their house to Paradise Falls to fulfill her one final dream.

 However, along the way he finally realizes that all along they had each other and that was all that mattered, it was the most important adventure of all, and that their obstacles were just a part of life. This is exactly how I feel.....we never expect or plan for obstacles such as these to be placed in our path.  We don't plan for trials, yet they are a part of our earthly existence. I can honestly say that I finally understand.....not that I really understand why we were given this specific trial....however, the things that we have gained and learned are extremely important!

Joseph Campbell said, "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Ellie learned early in her life, that her sweet Carl and their relationship WAS the greatest adventure of her life...albeit unexpected, as it was. 
My life isn't quite the "adventure" that I once imagined it would be. However, I am so very blessed to have learned that God has a greater plan for me...better than ANY adventure I could ever have mapped out. Much of this adventure of the past year has involved heartache and pain (ALL for a Divine purpose)....... I have learned to let go of what I expected my life to be like and have completely surrendered to where GOD KNOWS Our family belings. How liberating that much JOY and PEACE there is in a life led by HIS hand...and not limited by my own expectations.
Not long ago, I remember thinking that my world was falling apart. Little did I know, as this beautiful quote below so beautifully states, that God was simply putting my life together EXACTLY the way He wants it.

With just a mere TASTE of the miracles our family has seen in the past year, I am confident that GOD knows FAR BETTER THAN I DO, what is best for us. My life has not at all turned out the way I always thought it would. This is definitely not the adventure that I thought my life would be.
How grateful I am for my wonderful, blessed different than I ever thought it would be. I have ached more than ever thought I would.....and I have felt joy more passionate and pure than I ever thought imaginable.

Through the past year only a few things have brought me comfort and peace....I thought that I would share, just in case someone else also needed them......

1) The two quotes ( many others were great...these are just my favorite):

  No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God... and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven. 
-Orson F. Whitney

2)  Hilary Weeks music......have you heard this song? BRILLIANT!

 3. This song.....

 4. Many, Many talks and devotionals from spiritual giants.....this is my personal favorite from Aprils conference

 5. Any many, many prayers, support of others, and other special spiritual experiences that are much to personal to share!!

(As I complete this post....two weeks after I started it.....Josh is finishing his last round of's to a long couple of weeks as we hope to find that the chemotherapy has worked and there is no more cancer in his body!  Then, relief for him as he regains strength, has one last operation, and can return to his normal day to day schedule!!!)